Do I have your attention, ladies?

Since I started my business, I pay a lot of attention to people that market to me. I read sales letters and listen to telemarketers to learn what points trigger me to buy in to a product or service. Since I’ve started to provide copywriting as a service offered by Mann Made Time, I pay much closer attention to advertisers and other, presumably very highly paid, copywriters.

I received a letter in the mail yesterday. It was an obvious piece of junk mail, but I wanted to open it. I totally dissected the experience and I’m filing this puppy away in my idea file.

First thing that made me open the pretty blue envelope was that it was a pretty blue envelope. It had the the name of a well known magazine on it, a company I trust. (Brand recognition.) It also said ‘Gift Certificate Enclosed’ on the outside of the envelope.

I opened the letter and, indeed, there is a gift certificate for 4 free issues of this weekly publication. The gift certificate was tucked inside a nice little folder that feels nice in the hand, and when I opened it to remove the gift certificate, it said:

“Enjoy your weekly rejuvenation ritual, FREE for 4 weeks.”

Buzzwords: rejuvenation and FREE.

They almost had me there. But then I read the letter. The letter is just ridiculous.

It starts with a headline that states:

“Enjoy a 4 FREE Issue Mini-Subscription to (name of magazine), and Feel Your Stress Melt Away….”

The writer goes on to tell me that I deserve more time to myself and she wants to treat me to the relaxation remedy I really need, which coincidentally is this magazine. Once a week for 4 weeks.

Did you know that just 4 issues will make me feel like a new person? And since they’re FREE I can enjoy such luxury without guilt?

I can have intimate moments with George Clooney and Patrick Dempsey over my coffee in the morning. While I’m cooking dinner, I can be treated to photo spreads and celebrity tidbits.

For an afternoon of “pure bliss” I can catch up with my old friends Reese and Drew.

Seriously?

The letter is closed by saying for best results I should read all of my 4 free issues before I decide to make this publication a part of my regular routine. My heart and soul will reap the benefits.

I would scan this letter and let you see for yourself how ridiculous it is, but I’m not sure if that’s legal.

And although it is ridiculous, it is effective. I’m considering mailing in the reply card and cashing in my 4 free issues. What the heck? I can see how they’re playing off of my stress…my need to escape! And I’m falling for it.

Darn McDreamy…that’s where they got me.

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